CHRIS: WRONG FOR PARK VIEW. QUESTIONABLE AT PARTIES.

Voters deserve to know the truth about potential ANC opponent Chris, and the troubling record he hopes they’ll overlook.

He doesn’t wait for an invitation.
Chris has repeatedly shown up at parties and events to which he was not invited. Now he’s threatening to show up on your ballot. Park View deserves a commissioner who understands boundaries.
Dinosaur denial starts at home.
Chris is married to a dinosaur denier who champions the extreme ideology that dinosaurs are fake. What did Chris know about the Jurassic period—and when did he deny it?
He thinks he’s too good for neckties.
Chris believes himself morally superior to those who wear neckties. If he looks down on a Windsor knot, imagine how he’ll treat the rest of us.
Even other Chrises are more popular.
In a survey of 100 registered voters, Chris D. ranked dead last among “the Chrises.” Park View cannot afford to settle for its least preferred Chris.
His fiscal agenda? Plunder.
Chris has thrown pirate-themed birthday parties as an adult. The warning signs are clear: first your rum, then your tax dollars. Our neighborhood needs public service, not privateering.
He hasn’t even maxed out to Greg Stanton.
Despite every opportunity to demonstrate sound judgment, Chris has failed to contribute the maximum to Greg Stanton for Congress. If he won’t fully invest in Greg, why should Park View invest in him?

Demographics:

Gay men and lesbians over 40 should receive direct mail and digital advertising informing them that Chris cannot be trusted. They’ll know why.
All voters named Chris should be phone-banked and warned that he ranked last among “the Chrises.” Their name is at stake.
Households with children under 12 should be warned about his spouse’s radical dinosaur denialism through broadcast television and Highlights magazine. Our children deserve the truth about the stegosaurus.